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Even More Jokes


People used to laugh at me when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, nobody's laughing now.







Knock Knock

Who's there?


Amish who?

Really? You don't look like a shoe


Knock Knock

Who's there?


Ya who?

No, I prefer Google


What does a house wear?



 I told a chemistry joke once.

There was no reaction


Knock Knock

Who's there?


Knock Knock

Who's there?


Knock Knock

Who's there?


Knock Knock

Who's there?


Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't say banana?


How to fall down stairs:

Step 1

Step 2

Step 4

Step 7

Step 13

Step 22


What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows


Knock Knock

Who's there?


Beets who?

Beats me


What do young kittens wear?



How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?

You rocket


I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like: O Mg


How can you tell the difference between a dog and a tree?

Their bark


How do snails call their friends?

On their shell-phones


What do you call an anxious toad?

A worry wart


What do you give a sick lemon?



Knock Knock

Who's there?


Mark who?



Why was the mother firefly unhappy?

Because here children weren't very bright


How do you make a milkshake?

Take it to a scary movie


How do you get straight A's?

Use a ruler


What building has the most stories?

The library


How do you measure a snake?

In meters, not feet


What does the dentist of the year get?

A little plaque


Knock Knock

Who's there?


Cash who?

No thanks, I'm allergic to nuts


Why are ghosts bad liars?

Because you can see right through them


Why does Humpty Dumpty like autumn?

Because he had a great fall


Knock Knock

Who's there?


Doctor Who?

Doctor Who is here???


Why doe humming birds hum?

Because they don't know the words


How do you count cows?

With a cowculator


Knock Knock

Who's there?


Dishes who?

Dishes the police! Come out with your hands in the air!


Why should you never use a dull pencil?

Because it's pointless


Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello from the other side


Why is "dark" spelled with a "k" and not a "c"?

Because you can't "c" in the dark


Why do Norwegian naval ships have barcodes on the side of them?

So that when they come into port they can Scandinavian


Knock Knock

Who's there?


You who?

I'm still here


How do trees feel in spring?



Why were the cows scared?

Because they were a cow-herd


What do you call an alien with three eyes?

An Aliien


What do you do with an old bike?

Re-cycle it


How much room is needed for fungi to grow?

As mushroom as possible


What do dentist call their X-rays?



Knock Knock

Who's there?


Chooch who?

I like trains too


A dung beetle walks into a bar.

"Is this stool taken?"


How do trees feel in spring?



What did the duck say when it bought lipstick?

"Put it on my bill"


Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's okay, he woke up


What happened to the guy who got hit in the head with a can of Coke?

He was fine; it was a soft drink